Naruto Parody of 13 Ghosts
by BlurryPeach
Summary: Five must investigate a strange glass house appaearing on the border of leaf territory. Shikamaru, Naruto, Kiba, Kakashi, Ino, and Temari head out. 12 ugly ghosts creeped out ninjas...and chaos ensues. Shikamaru: HAVE YOU SEEN THE GHOSTS? some Shika/Tema
1. Chapter 1

Naruto Parody with 13th Ghost

Humor/Horror

Chapter One: The Glass House

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters within. I do not own the 13th Ghost or anything within its franchise. This is purely fanmade…duh .

BEFORE READING! Since it is hard for me to write using young teens, I've jumped everyone's ages to 18. That makes it easier for me and if I decide to include something…ahem…"sensuous" it won't be pedophilia (idk, it seems weird to me…even though I love Shikamaru…) end note. Its serious at first but it gets funny, trust me ^^

Tsunade sat tapping her fingers in increasing impatience. The clock next to her only made her annoyance grow as it ticked away.

Finally, the sound of steps and the door opening seized her anxious waiting. Shikamaru, followed by Naruto, Kiba, Kakashi, and Ino lined up in front of her desk.

"When I called you to be here, I meant right now, not right now-ish. Do you understand me?"

Shikamaru spoke first, "I had to return Kurenai's son to her before I could make it. Apologies."

Tsunade waved her hand in dismissal. "Doesn't matter. The reason you are all called here is serious. Something has appeared on our border and I am assigning you all, as jounins, to investigate. You will be joined by a shinobi of the Sand village; since it is close to their borders as well."

Kakashi motioned his hand, "What exactly are we investigating?"

The hokage looked down at her desk, thinking. "We are not sure, but distant surveillance has determined it to be a…glass house of some sort. Its not really a house even, it's a mansion. Symbols that can't be identified are etched all over it. It appeared last night, in the woods. There's no explanation, but we must take it seriously, like a threat."

Naruto was shaking with excitement. He started bouncing up and down in the air, getting pumped.

"ALRIGHT!!! This sounds so cool! We've never done anything like this!! What are we waiting for?!"

Shikamaru grabbed Naruto's foot as he jumped in the air, dragging him back down to the ground with a "thump".

"Alright, calm down there, twinkles. " Ino looked around. "Where's the sand shinobi?"

"Right here." Came a voice behind them. Temari stepped in the room and hoisted her fan on her shoulder. "Now that we're all here, we should head out right now." She turned and walked out of the room. Shikamaru sighed. "Great . …the scariest women around and she's the one coming with us…what a dra-"

Kiba rolled his eyes at him and cut him off "God, Shikamaru, find a different word once in while! It gets annoying hearing it all the time!"

"Hey! That is my sacred word! Get your own repertoire! "

While the steaming figures of Shikamaru and Kiba shot lightening glares at each other, the task group followed a trail into the dark forest. Kiba's sense of smell detected a strange scent ahead. "I've never smelled that before. It must be that strange house!"

They all continued along the trail when Kakashi called a halt. He raised his hand and pointed beyond a clearing in the trees. The glass house stood gleaming like a giant diamond. Ino gazed in wonder. "How the hell did something so big just appear here?"

Temari walked ahead of them and opened her fan. "Its not a matter of "how" right now. Its here, so it's a matter of "why". "

Naruto started charging ahead of them. "Well come on!! We're not gonna find anything standing here!"

Shikamaru tried to stop him. "Wait! We don't have a strategy , dumbass!! Wai-!!!!!!!"

A strange black mist emerged from the house, enveloping Naruto. The blue-eyed Ninja struggled against it but it began pulling him toward the doors of the house. The rest of the group ran to help him, only to find the mist had split into four other streams and grab them too. The doors opened and they were all dragged into the mysterious glass house. Kakashi gouged into the ground with his hands, screaming at Naruto "DAMMIT NARUTO!!! YOU AND YOUR STUPID STUPIDNESS!!!!"

The doors closed, and the woods returned to silence, as if they were never there.

Inside the house, the group found themselves tossed into the main entryway. They landed with resounding slams on the cold hard ground. Temari found herself on top of Shikamaru. Shikamaru looked up and smirked. "Hey, man, third date!"

"Don't flatter yourself, lumpy." She said, thunking him on the head and dusting herself off. Kakashi sat up and looked over at Naruto; lying upside down against the wall.

"You happy now, you moron?"

Naruto rolled over and sat rubbing his bruised head. "I didn't know…"

Shikamaru and Kiba looked at each other and rolled their eyes. The canine ninja stared at Naruto. "You don't think about a lot of things."

"That's not true! There's a lot of stuff going on up there!"

Shikamaru glared. "I think you got two monkeys and a yo-yo playing up there. Anyway, we're in here, now we have to find a way out, plus be looking for reason why this is here."

Ino tried the doors but they would not open. "How do we get out? Its stuck!" Kakashi tried as well, but to no avail. "Maybe I can blast our way out. Its glass afterall." He tried to summon energy for a Rasengan but nothing happened…He stood staring at his hands in shock. "I-I don't get it. What's going on? I can't use my Chakra…" Everyone else attempted to use their own jutsus, but ended with the same result.

The shadow ninjas poke what everyone was fearing. "This house…suppresses our ability to utilize our Chakra. We're sitting ducks for whatever lurks in this place." Kakashi looked at the ground. Thirteen rings within a large circle were implanted on the ground beneath them. "I wonder what this is…The symbols all look very intricate. They all have names… One says Dire Mother; Infant Son…this one…The Jackal…"

Shikamaru touched the first ring. "Hmm, they have crevices between them. They're moveable. This must serve a purpose of some sort…Maybe further investigation of the house will explain them.

Kiba stroked Akamaru's head. "We have only one choice. We must find another way out through this mansion. How best to do it is the next question." Shikamaru was already forming a plan. "We should split up into three groups. Two-man cells. I'll go with Temari" *everyone stares* Shikamaru blushed a little. " Shut up, I don't have to explain myself to you…Anyway, that's one. Ino, you go with Kakashi. Kiba, you're with Naruto. A rainy cloud hung over Kiba's head. "I'm dead." (Naruto: HEY!).

"Now that we have groups, we'll each take on of the three halls in front of us. If you find something or you are in trouble…or both; use your communication jutsu to tell everyone."

Naruto scratched his head. "But we can't use our chakra, remember?"

Shikamaru: .;

"Oh…well, just run around screaming in a disorganized fashion then."

Everyone: O_O;

Kakashi and Ino headed down the right hall. Ino gazed at all the intricate carvings on the glass that made up the whole house. "It's almost beautiful…if I didn't have such a creepy feeling about this house, I'd admire it."

Kakashi couldn't help but see the beauty in the carvings, but some…some were very morbid. On one side, the figure of someone being mutilated by a human figure in rags and a cage on his head; The spikes facing inward on its face.. Another, a grotesquely obese baby holding an axe with a tiny old women in front of him. "The dire mother and infant son…I don't like this. INO DON'T TOUCH THAT!!" But Ino had already dragged her finger across the carving. It began to glow, and the light shot across a myriad map of lines down the hall. Kakashi sweatdropped and patted the scared Ino on the head. "Well…um…heh…If something comes after us…I'm throwing you in front of me."

Ino: X_X;

The outermost ring in the circle began to turn, the ominous glow and the sounds of something…something _evil_, being released from its glass prison…

Shikamaru and Temari made their way down the glass hallway. Temari couldn't resist her question any longer. "So…why so adamant that you wanted _me_ as your partner?"

Shikamaru looked down at the ground and sighed. "You women, always reading too much into things. But…I guess…I sorta…wanted to make sure that nothing happened to you in this place."

Temari: ….WHAT?! YOU THINK I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF???? YOU MEN ARE ALL THE SAME!!

Shikamaru: *clears his ear with his finger*…can we communicate without busting eardrums? You don't get it, and I'm not about to explain it to you now. So lets just get moving.

Temari felt a little taken aback by his statement. Did he have another reason to want her around him other than his ego? Hmm..

The sand ninja felt a cold chill run down her spine as they found themselves amongst 12 cubicles lined up six on each side of the hall. One was open. Shikamaru felt uneasy too. he sense that something was behind him. Swallowing hard he turned around and found himself staring up at a giant solid ghost. A baby, huge and macabre, holding an ax next to a tiny shriveled looking old lady consumed his line of sight. The baby threw up, spewing a rancid liquid on the ground and hitting Shikamaru's feet.

Shikamaru: O_o; (wait for it…waaaiit for it…)

"OH MY GOD THAT IS SO BUTT UGLY, OH MY GOD THAT SMELLS!!! EW EW EEWWWWW!!!!!"

He turned and grabbed the shocked sand jounin by the hand and began running breakneck speed. They could hear the grotesque pair of ghosts following them down the hall. Not having a clue where they were going, they ran willy-nilly through every doorway and hallway.

Naruto and Kiba stopped walking as they heard the sounds of yelling echoing around them. Naruto backed up against the wall. "That sounds like Shikamaru and Temari!" Kiba and his dog sniffed the air. "Yeah, I can smell their scent, its faint but its there."

Kiba and Akamaru began sniffing and headed down the hallway to the right. "I think we can find them. I just hope we don't find what they're running from." Naruto gulped.

As he eased away from the wall to follow Kiba, neither of them noticed the patterns begin to glow and follow the lines down the hall…the second ring began to turn.

NEXT CHAPTER: The Jackal


	2. Chapter 2

Naruto Parody of 13 Ghosts

Chapter 2: The Jackal

Shikamaru didn't stop running until he felt his lungs would collapse within him. Panting, he slid down the wall to the ground…The horrific image burned into his mind. Temari collapsed wide-eyed trying to catch her breath, but it seemed to slip away. She was going into shock.

The shadow shinobi knelt down and felt her pulse. He knew yelling would only make it worse. But what could he do? If he knocked her out, she'd be deadweight; if he left her alone she'd freak out more. He took her face in both his hands and placed his forehead against hers. "Its okay now. Breath with me, Temari." He repeated the phrase over and over again until she started breathing slowly and in time with his own breath. When he was satisfied she would be alright he sat down next to her. "That uh…that was an interesting experience…" Temari couldn't help but shake.

"I've seen horrible things, but nothing like that before…ever…" She seemed to inch subconsciously toward Shikamaru's body until she was leaning on him, the fright of the previous moment seemed to sap her energy.

Shikamaru: *looks over at her* O_O;

"Well…uh, we should go, yeah? Um…I don't think it's safe to stay too in one spot too long…"

"…yeah…"

She got up to move away, but Shikamaru grabbed her arm and brought back down to him. She didn't understand at first until he brushed his lips across hers; like asking permission. She leaned over and met his lips. They were soft. They held it for s few seconds and then parted. She opened her eyes to find Shikamaru smiling warmly and raising a hand to caress her cheek. She leaned into his hand and smiled back at him.

The shadow ninja looked down, blushing slightly and then stood with his back to her. But not before taking her hand and helping her up. "Well, we _really _need to go now…and if you tell _anybody_ about that, I will destroy you on ."

"Ha ha…ha…*rolls eyes*"

------

Kakashi and Ino felt like they were wondering around in circles. There was no way to tell where they were going. Kakashi sighed and pulled out his book. Leaning on the wall he started flipping pages. Ino looked at him in astonishment.

"How…how can be _reading now???!!!_"

"There's no reason to be panicking right now. Unlike everyone else here…I don't freak out in situations like this. I've had too much experience with Naruto doing stupid shit."

Ino: XD "So…a creepy glass house means absolutely nothing to you?"

"A while ago, Naruto found a tape somewhere and played it. I spent two weeks being chased by a scary chick crawling out of T.V.'s. Nothing fazes me anymore."

The blonde was about to ask what the hell he was talking about when she noticed him staring wide-eyed behind her.

"Umm…Ino…can you walk very, _very_ slowly towards me? And not make any loud noises?"

"Why"

"Time's a factor, Ino."

O_O

Whatever lay behind her…it was exhaling in low growls. She felt her heart pounding as she took slow steps silently toward the other jounin. When she reached him he pulled her behind him. "Please don't scream…" She turned around and saw what Kiba and Naruto had unknowingly released from the second ring.

Kakashi: Like I said, don't scream.

The creature…or was it a man? It was clothed in a shredded straightjacket, the limbs horribly twisted out at odd angles, saliva mixed with blood rolling down its chin as its sharpened teeth dug into its own skin. A cage locked on to its head, the bars ripped open with spikes protruding inward. It gazed at them with psychotic yellow eyes. Ino gasped and the creature dropped down on all fours and started charging at them with a scream of intensive fury.

The blonde jumped on Kakashi, smothering his face and screaming at the top of her lungs, "KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IIIIIIIIT!!!!!

Kakashi: "MPH MOMPH!!! *pulls her arm off his mouth* I CAN'T SEE!!"

He turned heel and charged into the wall with a resounding crash. "KAKASHI!!!! KILL HIM!!!"

"DAMMIT WOMEN, GET OFF!!!"

The said blonde was clamped like a crab's claw around him and left him no choice but to frantically charge through the door with her latched on to his body. "AT LEAST LET GO OF MY ARMS!!!"

The Jackal extended a clawed hand and gouged through the Jounin's jacket drawing blood before Kakashi slammed a door on it. The creature sat on the other side staring, waiting. Kakashi collapsed on the ground holding his side as blood oozed out. "FUCK!"

Ino grabbed a bandage and ointment from her pouch and quickly wrapped the wound. "I'm sorry Kakashi!"

"Now?! NOW you're sorry?? Freakin' stupid *Mumble mumble..Grumble* He looked at the door, eyeing The Jackal as it just sat waiting, swaying back and forth. "Why is it not just going through the door?"

Ino thought a while. "The symbols…look at them. Maybe it's bound by the symbols. It can't cross them while they're there."

"How do you know that?"

"Well there's a picture of it with words saying "No Jackals Allowed."

Kakashi: .;


End file.
